Well they say that hindsight’s a biatch but it can also be a blessing. I have been reflecting on my journey as a mumma second time round and mentally taking note of how much of my children’s character has been shaped by my parenting style versus their inbuilt nature. Having twins make the comparison even broader when I can see how, although the girls are parented exactly the same, they are completely different from one another.
As a mum in my late teens and early twenties I really placed a lot of pressure on my parenting techniques mostly due to my fear of breading feral teens (being a rebellious teen myself and marrying a once rebellious teen encouraged this crazy fear). I figured that if I could do all of the ‘correct’ things (still unsure exactly what they are) then we would have nothing to fear.
Fast forward to now with 2 adult children, 1 teenager and 2 toddlers I realised how much pressure I put on myself and time wasted worrying. Time wasted on trivial things that in hindsight had little bearing on the bigger picture.
So what have I learnt during my ‘man in the mirror’ moment…..the essence of who I am as a person, how I interact with my husband and those around me and the time spent enjoying my family and my life are what really make the difference in my children.
Some of what I perceived to be behavioral flaws in my children became some of their strengths. Things I thought I was responsible for changing and correcting were more often than not things that were to be celebrated in my children…quirks that made them unique and became building blocks to greater things in their lives.
Miss Ivy, 20 months old, is a carbon copy of my eldest daughter. She is stubborn, strong-willed, determined, tenacious and feisty which makes a very ‘busy’ toddler that unfortunately can be not so friendly to miss Scarlett who is a little love bunny in comparison. But when I look at my eldest daughter and how her tenacity has caused her to be a young woman full of drive, focus, determination, gusto and empathy who stands up for what she believes, NEVER backs down I feel I can take a deep breath and enjoy the craziness that comes with Ivy.
Miss Scarlett is very similar to my other 2 children and although she may not have the same feistiness she gives the most amazing cuddles, shares her toys and is full of smiles and softness. Her older brother and sister are similar. They have become compassionate, loyal, friendly and lovable people with a quiet assurance along with a wacky sense of humour.
So my lesson learnt in a nutshell…..enjoy my kids, love on my husband and flow with the crazy times. Now to live it…