Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (note to self)

christmas-pic-2016

Impromptu Christmas pic

Well they say that hindsight’s a biatch but it can also be a blessing.  I have been reflecting on my journey as a mumma second time round and mentally taking note of how much of my children’s character has been shaped by my parenting style versus their inbuilt nature. Having twins make the comparison even broader when I can see how, although the girls are parented exactly the same, they are completely different from one another.

As a mum in my late teens and early twenties I really placed a lot of pressure on my parenting techniques mostly due to my fear of breading feral teens (being a rebellious teen myself and marrying a once rebellious teen encouraged this crazy fear).  I figured that if I could do all of the ‘correct’ things (still unsure exactly what they are) then we would have nothing to fear.

Fast forward to now with 2 adult children, 1 teenager and 2 toddlers I realised how much pressure I put on myself and time wasted worrying.  Time wasted on trivial things that in hindsight had little bearing on the bigger picture.

So what have I learnt during my ‘man in the mirror’ moment…..the essence of who I am as a person, how I interact with my husband and those around me and the time spent enjoying my family and my life are what really make the difference in my children.

Some of what I perceived to be behavioral flaws in my children became some of their strengths.  Things I thought I was responsible for changing and correcting were more often than not things that were to be celebrated in my children…quirks that made them unique and became building blocks to greater things in their lives.

Miss Ivy, 20 months old, is a carbon copy of my eldest daughter.  She is stubborn, strong-willed, determined, tenacious and feisty which makes a very ‘busy’ toddler that unfortunately can be not so friendly to miss Scarlett who is a little love bunny in comparison.  But when I look at my eldest daughter and how her tenacity has caused her to be a young woman full of drive, focus, determination, gusto and empathy who stands up for what she believes, NEVER backs down I feel I can take a deep breath and enjoy the craziness that comes with Ivy.

Miss Scarlett is very similar to my other 2 children and although she may not have the same feistiness she gives the most amazing cuddles, shares her toys and is full of smiles and softness.  Her older brother and sister are similar.  They have become compassionate, loyal, friendly and lovable people with a quiet assurance along with a wacky sense of humour.

So my lesson learnt in a nutshell…..enjoy my kids, love on my husband and flow with the crazy times.  Now to live it…

❤️

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To Bali..via Singapore

bali 1I can’t say that the thought of travelling overseas with the twinnies really excited me but in a lapse of judgement 6 months ago the notion of Bali with babies, family and friends to celebrate my 40th seemed not so daunting.  I knew that no matter what, being totally organised was the key to survival and hopefully some fun on the way.

Saturday 20th May and we arrived at the airport 2 hours before our flight.  The girls seemed quite content as we scrambled onto the bus link from the carpark to the airport with 2 dodgy strollers, our suitcases and carry-on luggage.   Thankfully we had our 17-year-old daughter and some friends travelling with us to lend a hand.

Airport check-in went smoothly and we went through to the lounge to relax and prepare before boarding.  The twins were given free rein on the airport playground to burn up as much energy before they would be restricted on the flight.  Miss Ivy attempted to show her playground authority only to be overturned by a boy a year older than her, but points for determination.

An hour before our flight was due to take off it was announced that the flight would be delayed for an hour.  Well the hour came and went as we were told again that the issues with the plane would be resolved in another hour.  4 hours later and the flight was cancelled.  I broke out in a sweat as my mind scrambled at any possible ways to ‘fix’ the situation.  Our whole group rallied together determined to make it to Bali that night.

As the multitudes herded into line to collect their luggage, looking confused and frustrated, I jumped on the phone to the airline figuring this would have to be the easier option.  Well one hour later after running through various flight scenarios over the phone I was told that my best shot was to go to the counter at the airport and sort it out.  Thankfully Miss Scarlett had settled into the arms of one of our friends and had a nap.  Ivy continued to explore the luggage conveyor belt looking for an opportunity to ride it.

After pleading with the flight staff for a suitable flight to accommodate our whole group and playing the ‘twins card’ (well that’s gotta’ be worth something after dragging them through the airport for hours) we were offered a flight to Singapore leaving 10:40pm with a 6 hour layover and a 2 hour flight to Bali.  At least we would still arrive in Bali a few hours before the rest of our crew who had a flight for the following day.

I figured this option could work in our favour as we could all get some sleep on the overnight flight….it seemed logical at the time.  Unfortunately we ended up being “that” family with the crying babies…you know the ones that no-one wants to be near, the ones that everyone is thinking why the hell can’t you shut those kids up!!  Yep that was us 😕 Thankfully we had purchased a ticket for our son who was unable to make the trip so we had a spare seat…this was a God send.  So with Shane on one side and me on the other we were able to get the twins to have a couple of hours sleep lying in the spare seat between us.  After a while the girls tag teamed who would be awake.  At one point, in a desperate attempt to get comfortable I lay back in the birthing position with my legs up in the air and Scarlett laying in between my legs while hubby was squished in his single seat with Ivy sleeping on his lap.  Certainly not my finest hour but at least I managed to get a measly hour or two sleep.

Once landed in Singapore we booked into a transit hotel for a 6 hour block and that would have to be the best $130 bucks I have ever spent.  Myself, hubby and the twins squeezed into a queen bed while our other daughter had the single and we crashed for 5 hours.  I think if it wasn’t for that we would’ve all gone crazy.

I wouldn’t say I awoke feeling refreshed but I definitely didn’t feel the psycho sleep deprived vibe.

So after 24 hours from the time our flight from Perth was scheduled to leave we finally arrived in Bali.

The girls are quite sensitive to loud noises.  If a plane flies over our house or the rubbish truck drives down our street they cling to me like baby chimps in absolute fear.  Because of this I felt pretty anxious about the flight to Bali along with the craziness of the place….the constant buzz of traffic, obtrusive hawkers and the thick crowd of tourists.  But to my surprise none of these things bothered the girls.  Not even the constant touching of the curious Balinese and the few Asian tourists who felt at liberty to have personal snap shots with the girls.

Meal times for the twins were a bit challenging as they both seemed to have funny tummies so they didn’t eat a lot.  Each morning at our buffet breakfast I would make them a sandwich and get a couple of mini bananas and pikelets so they had a semi-normal bland lunch for when we were out and about.

Our days were spent hitting the streets in the mornings, stopping off at one of the many little restaurants for lunch, nap time for the girls in the hotel room, swim in the resort pool then off to dinner with our group.  We even managed to tag team with the twins so that myself and hubby could indulge in the cheap massages.

After assurance from seasoned Bali travellers we got a nanny for 3 of the evenings so we could go out without dragging the twins around.  I cannot recommend this enough…a cheap nanny costing around $7AU per hour who came highly recommended.  This also allowed the girls to bed at a reasonable time setting them up to be easier the next day.

So my personal recommendations travelling to Bali with twins….

  1. hire a nanny, someone that has been recommended and that you feel comfortable with
  2. be prepared with tube food, snacks, tinned formula etc from home that your toddlers are use to
  3. hire strollers in Bali, preferably 2 single strollers to make it easier to maneuver through the place.  We paid $7 per stroller per day with $100 bond.  This was a better option than the 2 cheap strollers we brought along with us from home as they could recline and sleep in the hired ones
  4. take sealable lunch bags with you to breakfast so you can pack a couple of sandwiches and fruit for the twins to have for lunch (tip from my sister-in-law 😉 )
  5. short trips out and about we found to be the best option with toddlers
  6. be prepared for alot of interest in your twins by the Balinese and Asian tourists
  7. look for hotels with kiddies pool and perhaps a playground as at times you will no doubt be a bit restricted
  8. don’t expect a relaxing holiday but go with the flow enought to have a good time

My 5th time holidaying in Bali but first time with the twins.  In comparison this trip was in no way relaxing but we still managed to have fun and hopefully encourage our twins to be more adaptable along the way.

bali 2

Corey

My purpose behind blogging is to share my journey as a twin mum in all its challenges and glory.  However, although not ‘twin’ related, I don’t feel I can do another post without firstly paying tribute to my nephew who tragically passed away last month.

The day I got the news will forever be etched into my memory.  My body shook with the shock and disbelief as I attempted to make sense of what I had just heard, praying for Corey’s safety in the hopes that the news I had just received was wrong.

Corey oozed optimism, fun, charisma and a passion for life and wasn’t afraid to take on challenges.  He could relate to any age group and never felt threatened by people’s uniqueness but rather showed acceptance and tolerance to everyone he came in contact with.  He believed in people and thrived on building up others.

His vivacious character was displayed very early in his life and his extremely talkative and imaginative nature could be just as frustrating as it was beautiful.  Corey’s lavish stories provided much entertainment for the rest of his family, especially his cousins, no matter how far-fetched.

Corey’s cheeky sense of humour was only emphasized with his husky voice and range of character expressions that he pulled off so effortlessly.  Although he was accepted into the Navy, which he no doubt would’ve excelled in, I could see him more suited as perhaps an entertainer, salesman, mentor or preacher.  His strong faith was the backbone for his boldness and courage although sadly his full potential didn’t have time to fully shine as his life was cut short.

He touched so many people’s lives in his brief earthly existence of 19 years, especially his family who all deeply loved and adored the blonde haired, blue eyed, incredible man in the making.

The day I viewed Corey’s lifeless shell was confronting and strangely therapeutic.  His pale, ice-cold body was a stark comparison to the once charismatic, full of life character that I knew and loved.

Knowing the deathly decision that was the cause is hard to swallow but the peace that I feel with the assurance that Corey is rejoicing in Heaven helps to heal the pain although never replacing the void of his presence in our family.

Signed proud Aunty ❤❤❤

Toddlers Times Two

My situation was somewhat contained pre-crawling and walking and crazily enough this mumma of 5 was actually waiting impatiently for the day her twins could crawl and walk.

You would’ve thought I remembered the chaos of attempting to contain toddlers from my previous kids.  Perhaps the big age gap lured me into a false sense of security in eager anticipation for what had been wiped from my memory.

Almost 16 months on and my bubbas are walking.  In the beginning it was so exciting to watch, they looked absolutely adorable doing their clumsy totter across the floor whilst we showered them in our praises.  I blindly believed that things would perhaps become a little easier….

Well I was wrong!!

Along with the cutsie drunken wobble is the feisty attitude wrapped up in a delicious ball of chunky arms and legs…the full blown tantrums and unrealistic demands that come from toddlers.

No more ‘situation contained,’ now it’s more like ‘high alert.’

You want to have us over for coffee??….Great, any excuse to get out and about but be warned your house will be scrutinized, and not by me.  Any interesting objects hidden or displayed are ripe for the picking with twin toddlers on the loose.  And that forgotten dog turd in the backyard will soon be a glorious discovery for my little humans.

There is now no such thing as a nice relaxed catch up with friends.  If I have a moment of weakness and drop my guard then those cupboards will be emptied, the toilet investigated, makeup eaten and tampons chewed on.

Yep, this is toddler-hood.  I reckon I could forgo my gym membership and purely rely on carting these two around everywhere, one under each arm, as I’m constantly scooping them up from the many temptations.

Today, feeling somewhat up for a challenge I decided to take the girls to see my work colleagues.  After all the girls are oh so cute so gotta’ share the love.  The first 5 minutes were relaxed and uneventful but it didn’t take long before the rows of desk drawers proved to interesting for the twins to pass up.  Managing to distract from the looming disaster of fingers jammed in drawers with a random plush toy and my keys I was able to buy another 5 minutes of blissful adult interaction.

However it wasn’t long before a brief scrap between the girls fighting over a printer led to Miss Ivy sinking her teeth into Miss Scarlett’s marshmallow white soft chubby arm causing her to let off the most intense scream.  My poor bubba was shocked and devastated and my many attempts to console her seemed to only encourage more screams and tears.  Clearly Scarlett had no concern for the fact that this is an office where there is business calls being made.

This was my cue to leave the building or how I like to put it ‘abort mission.’

However, despite the high risk involved with twin toddler outings I will go on!  I will fight for my freedom!! 👊

On a brighter note….they are so entertaining, never a dull moment in our house 😁😍

Anyhow time to sign off and enjoy the last half hour of tranquility before the twins awake and we have to go back into lock-down mode.

😘

Nothing but a Dreamer

sunset-2I’m not sure if its an age related thing (I am coming up to the big 4-0 next year) or a mummy thing but just before conceiving the twins and even more so now I feel a real desire to ‘achieve’ something…make my mark in life.  I know that all you passionate mummas out there are probably thinking…”you have achieved something!!”  People who know me know that I would never down play the role of a mother but lets face it I am more than a mum, wife, daughter, friend….I’m just not quite sure what makes me me.

Perhaps this is part of my reason for blogging….searching for different ways to express myself, looking at what could be some of my strengths, attempting to connect with other like-minded people and expanding my community.

A quote by Bruce Wilkinson from his book ‘The Dream Giver,’ “you may not be able to describe it.  You may have forgotten it.  You may even no longer believe in it.  But it’s there.”  This is talking about dreams that we all have from my favourite inspirational read at the moment.

It seems no easy feat to discover my dream.  I questioned my mum about what I enjoyed playing/doing as a child (in the hopes to finding that perfect fit) and she told me I enjoyed anything involving bossing people around!

Haha!!!  Well I guess in that case I’m living it.

Does anyone else feel in limbo?  If you’re living your dream was it easy to discover?

One of my dreams has been to see my children live out their dreams.  Another dream of mine which was recently fulfilled twice over was to have another child and I am truly having a blast with this whole experience.

Yet I still can’t help feeling deeply compelled to discover what other dreams I may have. Perhaps this is how God designed us….to keep on dreaming.

Anyone with young children, especially multi mums, know how easy it is to get caught up in all our mummy duties but I think having goals and passions is a necessity so we don’t loose who we are.

I know this is a bit of a deep post but I can’t help but reflect on this and what better place to express myself than here.  I really believe God didn’t put us here to simply just exist.

Keep on dreaming 🙂

xxx

 

Coffee Break

coffee-break-resizeI’m sitting in my car, yet again, enjoying my maccas cuppacino parked up at Neil Hawkins while the twins are sleeping peacefully…I dare not wake them!!

The tedious tune of ABC classic plays in the background (apparently it’s great for babies…not so great for me). These times of tranquility are so important to me, parenting can be stressful and really tiring.

After waking up this morning with my head spinning, literally struggling to stay upright while juggling a hungry baby on my hip and trying to figure out why I felt so exhausted I was reminded of my chaotic evening last night.

It wasn’t that my evening was hugely eventful, just one thing after another it seemed, building up in my mind like a Jenga stack waiting to collapse.

I realise I may have an issue with boundaries, I have discovered that I don’t cope well with too many things being put on me at once.

There seems to be a fine line between helping others and being burdened and it seems I struggle to balance between the two.

One thing I try to do is put myself in others shoes, to what their delemia is and whether or not their expectations on me are fair or not but when I’m under pressure I find it hard to make the right decision and instead feel defensive.

Last night was one of those nights….about to run out the door to my spin class (aka saviour session from the daily grind) when I’m stopped by a frantic phone call of someone in need…a babysitter of all things.

Believe it or not I’m actually not that much of a kid person…I love and adore my nieces and nephews and am known to get pretty clucky over my friends babies but unless I have time to mentally prepare myself looking after them is a different story…go figure.  I think it’s partly a control issue and if put under too much pressure without warning I find its like a huge weight.  It’s not that my friend in need was necessarily after me to babysit, but my daughter….thank goodness I have an amazing daughter who stepped up to the plate and after some juggling it was sorted.

Still feeling flustered after having a clingy twin all day, the frantic phone call and rushing (another issue of mine that needs work) I make my class only to be visited by my friend “the guilts.”  Could I have been more helpful?  Was I a little harsh??  However I push through, determined to be an overcomer no matter what and finish the class but unfortunately lacking the usual high I feel after exercising.

Bee-lining for the car to hurry home, shower, eat icecream and ‘veg out’ only to drop the car key down the side of the passenger seat.  Leaning over awkwardly to move the car seat forward and back a few times while straining to reach the key and getting stabbed by the screwdriver in the cup holder I realise enough is enough!  In glorious form I have my mini meltdown in the car, feeling the adrenalin from the cycle class and my rage along with exhaustion the tears started flowing.

This probably sounds like a pitiful story but the silver lining is I managed to laugh at myself not long after at just how pathetic that would of looked if I was lucky enough to have an audience (thankfully I think it went unseen).

I make it home only to be greeted by two screaming babies that just refused to settle.  Anyway long story short we managed to settle the babies and I got some well deserved ‘veg out’ time but I am realizing more and more that I need to understand what boundaries work for me.

I reckon being a twin mum also means permission to be a little selfish.

Signed, work in progress xxx

Where it all began

de bie scan cropped (2)So my journey to being a twin mum began a few years after my husband and I had what we thought was to be our last child.  We started having a family quite young and after having 3 children fairly close together we both felt as though that was it for us.  My husband had a vasectomy around 2002 and I contently continued living life with our little family.

By the time I got to my late 20’s and especially into my early 30’s I felt very maternal.  It didn’t help with friends and family having little ones and being surrounded by my gorgeous nieces and nephews.  Of all the things in my life being a mother was one of the things that I was so sure of and made sense…that along with marrying my husband of now 20 years and my personal faith.  I tried going down the career path and even went back to studying and although these things had a certain amount of satisfaction it just didn’t fill the longing for another child.

Fast forward a few years down the track after failed pregnancy attempts since my husbands vasectomy reversal and we then started exploring the IVF option.  One thing I have learnt about myself going through this is when I decide I want something I tend to not give up until I explore every possible option (still unsure if this is a blessing or a curse). It is incredible how much a desire can turn into an obsession when it is not fulfilled – at least in my case anyway.

We began with IUI (intrauterine insemination) in the beginning of 2014 and both attempts were unsuccessful.  The choice to try IVF wasn’t taken lightly but both myself and my husband felt that it was the best path for us and if it all fails I could be content knowing that we really tried.   At the end of 2014 I went in for egg collection and we made the choice to do pre-syngamy due to our faith convictions (another topic for another blog).

Can I just say that the decision to go ahead with ICSI (the option that our fertility specialist recommended) was probably the most challenging thing I have ever been through.  For the women out there who have had fertility treatment I have absolute total respect and admiration for what you have gone through.  The concoction of hormone drugs along with the anxiety of waiting and the disappointment when it is unsuccessful is SOOO HARD!!  

So the first attempt was unsuccessful and I was heart broken.  One of my best friends who is also my sister-in-law and  two of my other sisters-in-law both fell pregnant within a couple of months of each other right when I was going through the treatment.  The funny thing was (although not so funny at the time) one of them wasn’t even trying to fall pregnant and was using ‘protection,’ the other miraculously conceived despite fertility issues and my third sister-in-law was going through her own fertility treatment journey. It took everything in my being to be happy for them all and I had many, many pity-parties and crying out to God….”what about me?!!”  I think at this point I felt like I was going to go crazy.

I was incredibly blessed to fall pregnant on our second attempt and almost feel a bit selfish that I felt so sorry for myself considering the many women out there that have had numerous unsuccessful attempts.  Our fertility specialist suggested that we consider having two embryos transferred because of my age (late 30’s) which we excitedly agreed to as it still seemed to be unrealistic conceiving twins although we felt as though we were up for the challenge.

February 2015 after the second attempt (successful) of ICSI and waiting for the results was probably the slowest 2 weeks of my life.  Initially I honestly had such faith that this time round was going to be a success but near the end of the 2 weeks I had all of the signs of being pre-menstral.  I was devastated but decided that I was going to go on and everything was going to be ok.  I have 3 beautiful children, a wonderful husband and my whole life ahead of me.  I stopped taking the progesterone pessaries as I was convinced that I wasn’t pregnant.  The day I got the phone call I will never forget.  I braced myself for the ‘negative’ result which I believed was the outcome and when the nurse informed my I was pregnant I challenged her that she got me mixed up with someone else.  I literally could not believe it.

You would think at this point I would go on my merry way and enjoy pregnancy bliss.  But with those crazy preggas hormones surging through my body (at incredibly high levels with twins which I didn’t know at the time) I was sure that something must be wrong. Even the phlebotomists were concerned with my hormone levels.

My 6 week scan couldn’t come soon enough and to hear the news that I was pregnant with twins still seemed to be such a shock despite the high probability after having 2 embryos transferred.  We were both so excited and I would be lying if I didn’t say we were at the very least a little scared.

The 16th October 2015 at just over 37 weeks by elective C-Section we welcomed Ivy Belle (2.5kg) and Scarlett Lilly (2.3kg) into the world.

I thank God for such an incredible blessing and the life of being a twin mum had begun…..

debie-13

The Twins are One!!

We celebrated the girls first birthday over the weekend and wow what a year it has been!! They have bought so much joy to our family and are absolutely adorable, I can’t imagine our family without them.  Do I miss my freedom?…..yes.  Am I at times a little freaked out at the whole idea of ‘mummy-ing’ again….yes.  But these are pretty normal thoughts…aren’t they??

I couldn’t help but ponder the old cliche “surviving the first year,” a saying which every twin mum relates to.  I really believed that although having twins has its obvious challenges, me being a seasoned mum would breeze through this first year.  Well I clearly underestimated the strains of “twinning it.”

The first year is HARD WORK!  Forget about being that mum sitting in the cafe discreetly breastfeeding her little bundle of joy….the first 3 months where I did breastfeed was a circus act that I definitely couldn’t pull off in public.  There are no little cutesy outings with a baby casually hanging on my hip, its pack a suitcase and make sure there is double of everything.  My pram is an absolute necessity because I can’t hold two babies and a purse let alone a couple of items from the supermarket as well.  If one baby decides to ball their eyes out  when I’m out I literally panic at the thought of both of them loosing it. Thankfully I have only been in this situation a handful of times.  This is where being armed with milk, snacks and toys is vital and of course one of their older siblings if possible.

If both girls have been put to bed and one wakes up during the night then it’s time to get my ‘ninja’ on and swoop that baby out of the bedroom before she disturbs the other one. Who am I kidding….I unashamedly admit that I usually try and sleep through their cries and my hubby tends to them (that man is an absolute legend).  But during their day sleep I am ‘ninja’ all the way.

All the craziness aside I have generally been up for a challenge and find it quite boring living the status quo…however that looks.  This past year has been a time of reflection for me of how I parented in the past and what I would like to do differently this time round.  It has also been a time of assessing how my life looks and what direction I want it to head in for myself and as a family.

Although this has been an extremely hard year it has also been alot of fun.  I have met other amazing ‘twin’ mums and done my best to still get out of the house at least every couple of days for my sanity.

This mumma is livin’ the dream….at least that’s how I like to look at it.

twins-first-bday-cake-2

Survival Tips

twins 10 months

It would be great if there was a step by step survival guide that worked for all twin mums but lets face it every child, scenario, parenting style and core beliefs and values for each parent varies. Being the second time round for us I naively believed that apart from the obvious challenges of dealing with two babies we “had it in the bag.”  Who would be more equipped to deal with twins than someone with experience and is perhaps a little older and wiser.  Well that was an absolute farce.

With our first children (I say that as there is a 16 year age gap between our once youngest child and our baby twins) we did our best to learn and mimic other parents who had similar family values and ideals.  We were young and knew that with our lack of experience we needed to glean from more ‘seasoned’ parents.  In hind sight I like to think we did okay…sure there are many things I would probably have done differently now but generally speaking we were able to parent three children without too much drama (excluding some of the teenage years but that’s another topic for another day) and even enjoy the whole experience.

This time round it has been quite the experience.  Some days feel like I am running a marathon.  The days can be relentless….slow and steady I go about my day, trying to get all the housework done as well as enjoy my babies and even trying to have a bit of a social life in the process.  My confidence that I experienced whilst pregnant with the twins has dwindled to feeling like a first time mum navigating the uncertainty of it all.  But amidst the chaos is giggles, joy, excitement and two cute little faces to wake up to each day (and sometimes in the middle of the night…sighhhh).

My tips for surviving the first 10 months are –

  1. Coffee – This is number 1 for a reason!
  2. Routine – I am not completely rigid with this but it does tend to make things run more smoothly when the girls sleep at the same time and I get a break.
  3. Exercise – Without this I don’t think I would have the energy to parent….Even just taking the twins for a walk around the block helps.
  4. Hanging with other twin mums – We need one another and what better people to connect with than other mums who are living the same experience, who totally get the craziness of it all.
  5. Make a choice to enjoy it – I can sometimes get lost in the busy-ness of it all….the copious amounts of nappies, the constant feed times and the lack of sleep but one thing I remind myself is that this stage only lasts for a little while and I will never get these baby years back again.  God has totally blessed me with these babies…Just focusing on the simple highlights of each day, their little smiles and watching them grow and change….just amazing!
  6. ‘Me’ time – Ohhh so important!!  I am more than just a mum.  Whether its going on a girls night, dinner with my man or a night out with friends I need time to do things other than the laundry, washing, cleaning, bum wiping,etc,etc……..
  7. Don’t be too hard on yourself – We are our biggest critics yet to our babies we are just the greatest.  I am well aware of my short-comings,my imperfections and insecurities all of which can effect my parenting and cause me to make mistakes.  Learning to forgive myself has become so liberating and actually helps me to parent better.  There is nothing more soul destroying and joy stealing than wallowing in self-pity or comparing yourself to other mums.

This has been my basic survival guide and has gotten me through thus far.  To think that the girls are already 10 months old is just incredible and I am absolutely loving it (most of the time).

We got this!!!

xxx

 

The “Older” Mum

Jackie and Jess

When I was 19 with our first born Jess

 

To say that this has been an interesting journey so far would be an understatement.  I still have to pinch myself at the thought of “mummy-ing” again especially to TWINS!  But one of the strangest things is the fact that I am now part of the “Older” mum group…the late  30’s mum.

Being a young mum meant plenty of interesting and flattering comments such as “wow, you must of been 12 when you started having kids,” “I can’t believe you have children that age, you don’t look old enough.”  However now I am 39 (I’m still trying to come to terms with that number) and have 8 month old babies.  When I go out with my older children I have some people assume that the babies belong to them, which wouldn’t be that unusual considering when I was as old as my eldest child I had 2 children.

I think going into this stage again in my life I expected to see a lot of older mums.  It’s not uncommon for women to have children later in life after travelling and focusing on careers, right?  Being a twin mum also led me to believe that the majority of twin mums would be older as I had the misconception that a lot would have gone through the IVF journey to get to the point of having multiples.

Just recently I went on a girls night out with other ‘multi mums’ and was absolutely blown away with the amount of energy they all had.  By 11.30pm they were ready to hit the clubs and dance until the early hours of the morning.  Although I actually considered going for a dance I was just soooo tired and bed was more inviting.  Miss Scarlett has been waking up at least once a night for weeks now and I needed that sleep.  All I could think of was not getting home until 3am and then being woken up by the girls and trying to function running on empty.

I remember being in my 20’s and early 30’s, where catching up on sleep was easy and really not that important.  I remember struggling to sleep at times because my mind was busy and my body wanted to go out and party.  Now as soon as my head hits the pillow I almost crash as fast as my husband (5 minutes and he’s snoring…10 minutes on a bad night).

Going to the gym used to be an activity that I could take or leave but now it feels like its a necessity.  I need to try and stay fit to have the energy needed to take care of babies.

Then there’s the over thinking…..so when my twins turn 18 I will be 56, eeekkkk!!

It certainly isn’t a bad thing being an older mum, just very different.  I feel way more ‘grounded’ and emotionally stable (not all the time of course) than I did in my 20’s.  I recognize the importance of not taking time with my babies for granted, that they are going to grow so quickly.  Patience also seems more readily available than when I was younger and not feeling so concerned about whether or not I am parenting correctly (as if there is such a thing).

Being an older mum does come with its challenges but I wouldn’t change a thing. Xxx

shane and jackie

Taken when the twins were just over 2 months