I’m sitting in my car, yet again, enjoying my maccas cuppacino parked up at Neil Hawkins while the twins are sleeping peacefully…I dare not wake them!!
The tedious tune of ABC classic plays in the background (apparently it’s great for babies…not so great for me). These times of tranquility are so important to me, parenting can be stressful and really tiring.
After waking up this morning with my head spinning, literally struggling to stay upright while juggling a hungry baby on my hip and trying to figure out why I felt so exhausted I was reminded of my chaotic evening last night.
It wasn’t that my evening was hugely eventful, just one thing after another it seemed, building up in my mind like a Jenga stack waiting to collapse.
I realise I may have an issue with boundaries, I have discovered that I don’t cope well with too many things being put on me at once.
There seems to be a fine line between helping others and being burdened and it seems I struggle to balance between the two.
One thing I try to do is put myself in others shoes, to what their delemia is and whether or not their expectations on me are fair or not but when I’m under pressure I find it hard to make the right decision and instead feel defensive.
Last night was one of those nights….about to run out the door to my spin class (aka saviour session from the daily grind) when I’m stopped by a frantic phone call of someone in need…a babysitter of all things.
Believe it or not I’m actually not that much of a kid person…I love and adore my nieces and nephews and am known to get pretty clucky over my friends babies but unless I have time to mentally prepare myself looking after them is a different story…go figure. I think it’s partly a control issue and if put under too much pressure without warning I find its like a huge weight. It’s not that my friend in need was necessarily after me to babysit, but my daughter….thank goodness I have an amazing daughter who stepped up to the plate and after some juggling it was sorted.
Still feeling flustered after having a clingy twin all day, the frantic phone call and rushing (another issue of mine that needs work) I make my class only to be visited by my friend “the guilts.” Could I have been more helpful? Was I a little harsh?? However I push through, determined to be an overcomer no matter what and finish the class but unfortunately lacking the usual high I feel after exercising.
Bee-lining for the car to hurry home, shower, eat icecream and ‘veg out’ only to drop the car key down the side of the passenger seat. Leaning over awkwardly to move the car seat forward and back a few times while straining to reach the key and getting stabbed by the screwdriver in the cup holder I realise enough is enough! In glorious form I have my mini meltdown in the car, feeling the adrenalin from the cycle class and my rage along with exhaustion the tears started flowing.
This probably sounds like a pitiful story but the silver lining is I managed to laugh at myself not long after at just how pathetic that would of looked if I was lucky enough to have an audience (thankfully I think it went unseen).
I make it home only to be greeted by two screaming babies that just refused to settle. Anyway long story short we managed to settle the babies and I got some well deserved ‘veg out’ time but I am realizing more and more that I need to understand what boundaries work for me.
I reckon being a twin mum also means permission to be a little selfish.
Signed, work in progress xxx